Another sun setting, releasing the cold Egyptian night to push at the shuttered windows. Another dinner made by Taita with Bismillah and Alhamdulillah. This time it’s a pizza with a crust made with mashed potatoes, but I am physically drained so I wait to get a plate.
It’s just another night, but it’s the last night of my marriage in shaa Allah. Ya Allah, You alone know what I need. You alone know what I’ve carried as a suffering, and what I must release as a comfort. You alone know how powerless I am, how small in this world and in this land. You alone know every intention I made with every release of what I had, and with every reach toward what I did not have.
Oh Allah I am needing You so much. I am in need of any and every good You can bring to me. I try, and I plan, and I make effort…but only You can make the ways, ya Allah. Only You can make the successes happen and bring to an empty hand what is needed to fill it. Only You can bring to a broken heart what can heal it. Only You can bring to me what I need most and wish for deeply.
Help me, ya Allah. Without Your help, I can do nothing. Help me be patient, if that’s what it takes. Help me be proactive, if that’s what it takes. Help me work hard, if that’s what it takes. Help me be brave, if that’s what it takes. Help me trust, if that’s what it takes. Help me be cautious, if that’s what it takes. Help me choose well, ya Allah- help me always see clearly in every moment, what that moment takes.