I just had a brief chat with my husband. He told me that he plans to divorce me no later than December 31. He said he is giving the time between now and then to me as sadaqa to a friend, to enjoy who I am as a person and so on. But, beyond that, he “wouldn’t go one more day in this marriage”. Those were his words.
We have been doing well as “friends”. But I didn’t feel it that harshly, that I myself couldn’t go “one more day in this marriage”. To me the necessary and pending conclusion of it has been enough, so that stung to hear. But in general I have no desire to continue the marriage as well.
The original plan was that I would get that divorce as soon as I leave to take my daughter back to her father. That process has been upheld while I waited for a renewed passport to be issued, which I now have. At this point, we are just waiting from her father’s side for the flight booking, and I can’t predict whether the travel will be in a week or two, or after the new year.
In any case, I’m out of cash. Even if my departure took a little longer, I didn’t imagine waiting any part of it out while divorced. I am waiting for a few hundred from some amended state tax returns I filed a month ago, but I can’t predict when I will get that, either. I’ve been living in my husband’s family home in Banha, and while I am welcome to do so for as long as needed (even as a divorced woman), it’s been difficult in many ways and I would rather be somewhere else if it were possible.
If I returned to America to stay at the time of this upcoming trip for my daughter, I would be going with really no cash. The tax return I am expecting is not enough to go very far, and I would have no car. So I thought to come back to Egypt on the return ticket and just stay here a couple months while I await my bigger 2018 tax return. The few hundred I am expecting soon would be enough to live here comfortably for that much time, and give me a much needed break before digging into the hard work that awaits me when I go to America to rebuild my life again. I’ve been through a lot this year. Not to mention that ever since I moved here, some one of my kids (or more) have been with me, and I haven’t been at luxury to just look after myself. It would be a nice way to say goodbye to my home, until I am able to return with everything I need to never have to say goodbye to it again.
But the reality is, if those few hundred don’t come through by the time my daughter-dropping happens, coming back here will mean coming back to the home of an ex. I really can’t see myself doing that. Some of my friends have offered alternative suggestions of rooms I can rent and places I can work, so maybe that’s something to explore…I could definitely use an option like that if my flight gets booked in January.
I’ll try to take things one day at a time. It’s not easy and I don’t need to burden myself. As long as I stay within my comfort zone and doing what I believe in most, I’ll be fine in shaa Allah.