I found an old document I pulled off the internet about a decade ago, while I was at work. It was titled “reinvention template”. It contained several introspective questions to help someone clarify their desires and goals to move forward into a new direction when stuck. I had started answering the questions, but never finished. Nor had I looked at that document again until now.
I was startled by the amount of insight I seemed to have then. Why do I see things with so much more complexity now? But what I read refreshed me, and reminded me that the way to any success is one step at a time. Or as I put it then, “one contraction at a time, one court date at a time”.
Everything I want right now is achievable, I believe. I even got tired today of trying to figure out what I want, because I want many things that seem to be in opposite directions. So I just said screw it, I want it all. I will try to do it all!
I want a home in Egypt. I also want financial stability. I will go for both. They are both things that will take time, but they are both important to me. I will create a life for myself both in the United States (again) and then in Egypt when I can. I will have and keep both.
And for that matter, I will never again get rid of anything that I like and that is important to me. Not for anyone or anything. I am tired of regretting what I’ve given up, only to find myself trying to regain it again after the sacrifice didn’t play out as I’d hoped. I’ve worked hard, all my life, for all the things I achieved. I should’ve remembered that hard work I already gave, more than the dreams I want to chase. The key to those dreams being realized is more hard work, not sacrificing what all the hard work brought me!
The other recent realization I came to is that it takes a little more than stability to have a peaceful and fulfilling life. It also takes mercy. Why? Because we never do things truly on our own, and usually the only people who are willing to step in to help, to lift, to support…are those with mercy in their hearts. Everyone knows a stable but unmerciful person- they look like a scrooge, don’t they? Meanwhile a merciful person who is not stable, isn’t able to offer much to others. When I was at my most stable, I showed mercy to others. I still would and will and do. But I need mercy now, myself. And I need to be the first person to give it to myself, by dismantling the obstacles I keep thinking are around me. That happens ONE BARRIER AT A TIME.