Yesterday morning I had couscous for breakfast. Not the type that would work as a side with dinner, but with sugar and a small amount of milk to make it moist. It tasted like eating cake crumbs en masse; I liked it.
My husband buys me several candy bars every time my monthly cycle is on, so that’s what I had for dinner- a Bounty, Snickers, and Cadbury with hazelnuts. I am grateful to Allah that I don’t have many physical issues during this time, but my emotions are really out of control. My vulnerable side is like on steroids and as a result everything feels painful. Even small or simple things. I can’t help but to feel everything personally.
Today I am just feeling tired and depleted. I am thinking about the way I am when it comes to conflict. All my life I have approached conflict in a way that tends to leave me in a disadvantage and hurting. It may very well be that I just keep having conflict with the wrong sorts of people, but even if that’s the case, I need to figure out a way to do that without being left with the short end of the stick. I can’t keep going about trying to resolve things in a way I think makes sense or will even help things progress when that doesn’t seem to work.
It’s clear that people fight for different reasons. It’s clear that people feel different sorts of threats when they are fighting. It’s clear that I am usually different from other people when it comes to perceptions and reactions. Certainly that could help me come up with something clever to try, right?