We can lose things against our choice. Or we can lose things because we gave them up as an act of will…although I wouldn’t say “willingly”, because that implies our hearts are in the sacrifice. That’s not always the case. I think I can accept things better when they are taken against my will than when I choose to give them up. I accept it better because I don’t have to spend any time wondering whether I made the right choice to do it, second-guessing myself.
Same thing applies for things we obtain. Things can come to us without any warning, a pure blessing from heaven. Other things come to us after we strive and sweat for them. The effort may be more, or less, but it’s there. I can’t say I appreciate one more than the other; it’s about the same.
Yesterday was my wedding anniversary- 4 years. It feels like the amount of time when it’s too long to take lightly, but too short to feel like you can predict the future. And how would I be able to predict that, anyway? How could I predict what could be gained or lost as time goes on? I couldn’t even predict what has taken place in either of those cases so far.
We went to dinner at a restaurant in Banha called Lava Steak. It is the same restaurant we went to in 2014 on Shukurah’s first birthday, in 2015 for our first anniversary, and in 2016 for my 40th birthday. We had gone there for other ‘non-special’ occasions as well.
New cafes and restaurants are opening in the villas district of Banha, pulling clientele away from old standbys like Lava Steak. It just didn’t feel as festive or lively as I remembered it. It used to be that when the check came, it came in a small wooden box that looked like a miniature treasure chest. Last night the check came in a regular receipt folder, and I cried about it while my husband was away in the restroom.
I cried because losses hurt, and sometimes I just want them to stop.