Soul Crash


I don’t know any other way to describe it, really. It’s just as though my soul were going along one way and then suddenly, without explanation, it stopped. Like it crashed into something and could go no further. When I look about its wreckage, so to speak, it’s as though all I can see is its raw parts. The main components before it was built into one moving thing. And those components, they draw me back to initial times of soul existence, self existence.

I know these words sound abstract and nebulous. They are. I don’t even know what happens next…do the components reform and make a whole again, and keep going as it was before? Do they stay scattered until I do something? Should I do something or wait and see what happens? Maybe they will make something new, something with a different momentum, something stronger than before to take me in the same direction. Or maybe a different direction. I have no way to predict any of that.

One thing I read today is that one way you can tell who someone really is, is by seeing how they act when they *think* they are right about something. How do they carry “being right”? How do they relate to those who are “wrong”?

Useful words and guidance are like tokens I’ve had to look out for and collect along the way of my decades. No one sat with me at the beginning of my adult life and gave me a supply to last me along the way. I know that’s partly because back then, I was a know-it-all anyway. But nowadays, I feel like the advices are found too late. Is it too late? Technically, I have a whole lifetime ahead (should I live into old age, in shaa Allah), but nothing is fresh, nothing is new and unused. What is the value or use of those parts of me now? What can be made meaningful in this afternoon of my life?


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