Let the Sunshine In

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I’ve been working at home for a little over a month now. When I first began, I was able to keep to my regular schedule in a fairly decent way. The past couple weeks, however, have been more disruptive and the effects have begun to wear on me.

It started out innocently enough -doesn’t it always happen that way? Just minor things like staying up a little later and sleeping in a little longer because I no longer had to commute. Eventually, my body took over, and I started having some significant insomnia. I began waking at 2-4 AM, no matter how late or early I had gone to bed. Even if I only slept a few hours, I would automatically wake and my mind would be over-active.

I tried at first to take advantage of the energy. I started doing more work on the website I help with….to the point that there’s very little left to be done by others lol. I thought that maybe the decrease in physical activity since coming home was merely being offset by an increase in mental energy, so I thought burning it off would bring the balance.

…Well, not exactly. As the days continued to rob me of sleep, my emotions and thoughts became unbalanced as an effect. I started feeling slightly depressed, and easily triggered to cry. I don’t believe this is healthy, for me or the baby, but I didn’t feel I could control what was happening (as I was trying to resume my regular schedule every day by staying up in spite of lack of sleep and making sure my diet was not a culprit), and I wasn’t sure where this was going to go.

The past couple days, as to be expected, the pendulum began it’s track back in the other direction and I’ve been excessively tired and sleeping more than usual. However, it has so far done little to balance the way I feel psychologically. I’m still waking early, and I’m still trying to stay productive…and yet something is still missing.

I decided this morning that it’s the sun. Maybe this is silly of me, but I feel like I need fairly consistent exposure to the sun. Not only because its been scientifically shown to have health benefits, but also because I spent the first half of my life in a place where sunshine was nearly constant. I think that nurtured me into “needing” it more, on some level; because ever since I’ve lived in Georgia with all its clouds and trees I haven’t felt quite right.

Since I’ve been home, I’ve only left the house once or twice a week; where before I was leaving every day for work. Not only that, but it’s been raining nearly every day since then, so not a lot of natural light is making its way into my room- despite my two huge bedroom windows. So I think I’m going to make a plan to get out of the house at least every other day or so, even if it means just driving around before Maghrib. Maybe a couple weeks from now we will see some improvement and balance restored, in shaa Allah.

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One response »

  1. I think you are right. For I’ve heard in places such as Seattle, there is a huge population of depressed people due to the lack of sunny days.

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