For some reason I’ve felt off the last few days. No energy, tired, unmotivated, somewhat apathetic, and just overall “blah”. I am not sure what the reason may be, so I’m just hoping I can attribute it to cyclic hormones. I know these phases always pass, but I hate enduring them nonetheless.
If it were just the feelings to contend with, it wouldn’t be so bad. However, I start having unpleasant dreams and that makes me have bad thoughts about myself. For instance, last night I had several dreams, but in all of them I kept making things difficult for others. I kept coming off as antagonistic, inept, or argumentative without intending to, and I could tell it was bothering the others who I was dreaming about. I didn’t like feeling this way, and so when I woke this morning I had a strong sense of feeling like the blip of space I assume in existance was too much. I felt like I was a burden and only seemed to agitate others even though I don’t intend to. I know this is probably all distortion, but right now I’m just kind of wallowing in a scuz puddle. I have to mull everyting over tonight before I go to bed insha’Allah and renew my niyats for tomorrow.