This week has been very trying for me. In fact, I don’t want to think or even writ about it; but because it has resolved the way it has I want to record it to remember the outcome…and to give me faith at times when it gets crazy again.
When I assess my cases at work for the first time, I break the information down into three categories: biological, psychological, and social. All three areas were affected significantly for me this week. Biologically speaking, I came down with a wicked case of insomnia. It started last weekend, and every night I slept no more than two hours- essentially a nap. I would take another ‘nap’ during the day, and the rest of the time I was wide awake. Fortunately, these ‘naps’ doubled in length by Thursday, and last night I technically got a full night’s sleep. I hope I continue to stay on this regulated cycle.
I know the insomnia was being fueled by stress, and that’s where the psychological aspects come in. I was going through a lot of emotional upheaval and pain, and it was out of my range of control or influence. I had to sit with it. All I could do is continue to turn to Allah and stay focused on my ibadah, which I did. Realizing that this much stress is not healthy for me or the baby, I decided to go back to a counselor I used to work with. I have an appointment with her later on today. In shaa Allah she can help support me and guide me through any emotional crises that may inevitably come up in the next few months.
Then, finally (but not least significantly), there was the social aspect. I was actually traumatized by the results of a traffic ticket trial I had mid-week. Without reliving the gory details, suffice it to say my fine (after being found guilty) was more than twice the fee for the charge I had, plus I was given other penalties that have costs and fees attached. This was really difficult to take, because money is already getting tighter and tighter as I approach my due date. Needless to say, I am going to talk to an attorney to see if anything can be done to make the sentence more reasonable via the appeals process.
Before yesterday, I was feeling overwhelmed by all this and extremely helpless. I can only do what I have the means to do, and it seemed my means for any of these aspects was dwindling away. I could only beg Allah to take care of me and to help me. And He did.
Yesterday was payday. I had budgeted aside a small sum to buy a used rocking chair on Craigslist to use with the baby. I also needed to get a replacement mattress set (again, from Craigslist) for my oldest son’s bed, because the one he has now (although I bought it new in 2010) is utterly broken down and worthless. The box spring is falling apart (literally, the wood pieces are being batted out from under the bed by our cats) and the mattress itself is like a giant sinkhole. I figured I would have to give up getting these items so I could use the money instead for my court fees and fines, since the first installment is due 9/6.
When I checked my account in the morning, I saw that I had actually received a child support payment in almost the exact amount of what I had budgeted for the furniture. This was pretty much a miracle, because most child support payments I’ve received the past year have been less than $30. I was so thankful to Allah for this, because now I could use that for my legal fund and still get the furniture.
…But it gets better! I went on Craigslist to see what was available, and it turns out someone was selling a decent mattress set for less than half what I wanted to spend on it. I called, it was still available, and it is being brought over to me this afternoon. Not only that, but I found a huge, plush rocker/recliner for only $50. When I emailed to see if it was still available and explained I wanted it for my baby, the lady decided she would give it to me for free if I just came to get it. That is also happening later on today. So between the two, I ended up only paying out a fraction of what I budgeted, so that leaves more money for things like food and household needs (which we always seem to be scarce of….growing boys, I tell ya!)
Masha’Allah, Allah really does work everything out when you don’t give up. Even though it was only a small provision, it helped in huge ways. Not having to worry about money and fines helped reduce my stress, and that has helped me get some rest. So with one small mercy Allah has provided ease for everything I was tried with. Alhamdulillah.